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Toxic Talk: Fear and Loathing in New Jersey Edition

Welcome to Toxic Talk, where our resident hater tells you what sucks about soccer this week.

Costa Rica v United States - FIFA 2018 World Cup Qualifier Photo by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images

Well, well, well. You watched the game, you read the thinkpieces, and yet you still clicked on this link. That’s masochistic at best.

In short, Friday night the U.S. centerbacks were about as far apart as the East River and the Hudson, and contained approximately the same amount of garbage. The sharpest thing about the U.S. defense on the night was Geoff Cameron’s hairline. Tim Ream is a packet of Cream of Wheat. Not even the flavored Cream of Wheat. Plain Tim Ream of Wheat.

And what’s worse than losing 2-0 at home to Costa Rica and jeopardizing that World Cup berth you had managed to put yourself in great position for?

NICE. The rest of the Hex can feasibly become must-win situations and half our team is one time-wasting call away from suspension. Oh, and our next game is in Honduras.

And then there are the excuses. We shouldn’t play a game against Costa Rica in New York. Have you been to New York? We could be playing Montenegro in New York and probably have a pretty even fan split. When we play games in the United States, there’s going to be a healthy population of people cheering for the other team. That’s how the U.S. works. AND check this one out: that’s what makes it fun. Get over it.

Also, MLS is to blame. This is my favorite argument in CONCACAF qualifying. The U.S. isn’t succeeding because MLS holds our team back. This is strictly true in that MLS has made every other CONCACAF team outside of Mexico substantially better over the last ten years. Other than that, take your MLS tears elsewhere. The league isn’t to blame here and the venue isn’t to blame here. It’s on Bruce Arena and the players on the field. Full stop.

Boiling Points

  • That conversation I had with a random guy on Twitter 6 months ago that I can’t find now about Isco - In which this scrub told me Madrid should sell Isco because he isn’t good.

Never question the depths of my pettiness. The only way Marco Veratti comes back from this is if he fakes his own death and comes back as a different person in Monaco like Jon Travolta in Swordfish.

  • Ross Barkley thinking he’s far more important than he actually is -
  • Keylor Navas - Dammit. Keylor Navas is good and it pisses me off.
  • Chelsea signing someone named “Davide Zappacosta” -

You expect me to believe someone with that name is a real person? This is the name you give a custom player in FIFA when you want to be “immersed” in the career mode instead of doing the sensible thing, either giving him A) your name, or B) I don’t know, something like “Chief Blazeit.”

Davide Zappacosta. That’s a soccer name generator name if I’ve ever heard one.