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Toxic Talk: Sour Grapes of Wrath Edition

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Welcome to Toxic Talk, where our resident hater tells you what sucks about soccer this week.

Soccer: Concacaf Champions League-Club America at Toronto FC Dan Hamilton-USA TODAY Sports

A Major League Soccer team is on the brink. They’re about to do it. They’re considered the favorites in the final of the CONCACAF Champions League, in what would be the first victory of this competition for an MLS club, and the first continental championship for an MLS club since the 2000 LA Galaxy. Not to jinx it, but it looks like there will be American players playing in the Club World Cup next year, having reached the pinnacle of the region’s club play.

And those players include Michael Bradley and Jozy Altidore. And they’ll be playing for a Canadian team.

The lingering sting of missing the World Cup final isn’t really being helped by Captain Potato Head making everybody question, once again, whether he is actually good or not. It seems like we go back and forth on this every couple years. Michael Bradley has looked like either the Player of the Tournament for TFC, or at least pretty close. Maybe it helps that Marky Delgado and Jonathan Osorio both haven’t been trash cans riding segways in the midfield, something that Michael Bradley has seen his fair share of. Or maybe it’s because he hates America and is trying to spite all of us for making fun of his bald head and wolf eyes. Which, fair play to him.

It’s cool though, totally cool. At least Delgado is also American, and also looked great, and Jozy got hurt, which really keeps his brand going. Plus, Alex Bono went to Estadio Azteca and had as good of a game as any American keeper in recent memory, looking more and more like a Keeper that can be relied upon in big moments. Which is great, because that’s something for the first time, in a long time, that the U.S. seemed to have been in short supply of. Between him and Zack Steffen, the USMNT goal seems more solid than it has in over a year.

Uh, sorry, got a bit too positive there. BOO. TORONTO AND ITS...delicious breakfast fast food places and, uh...free healthcare. Yeah. You know what? Trinidad. Where was that play in Trinidad, Bradley?

At some point, calling out “wish I could’ve seen that in Trinidad” will probably get old. But not yet. You totally look like an original genius whenever you use that insult. Keep hitting em with it, I say.

Boiling Points

  • The Definition of a Boiling Point -

Woof.

There’s so much to unpack here. Gianluigi Buffon with the legendary insults. Him arguing Michael Oliver’s (correct) call on the basis of pure emotions. Him flat out saying he shouldn’t have called the penalty because it’s Buffon’s last game. It’s...incredible.

Bit of a day.

  • The Week in Mo Salah -

And also this.

A Champions League semifinal date and 4 games to score 2 goals for a record. I’m not betting against him.

  • Coming Up Portland -

Both Portland clubs had their home debuts this weekend. The Timbers and Timbers Army had one of their typical barnburners, on the field and in the stands, but the Thorns and Rose City Riveters really stole the show, both with this tifo:

And also this Lindsey Horan stunner.

Oh yeah, and the Timbers managed to get 3 points as well. All in all, it was a great weekend in Portland.

  • Meanwhile, in Utah -

The newly-christened Utah Royals eclipsed even Portland’s NWSL fanaticism, nearly breaking the 20k mark for the teams first ever home game.

4 for you, Utah. You go Utah.

...is Hector Herrera, after this thunderbastard to secure all 3 points and top of the table against rivals Benfica.