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Toxic Talk: Good Riddance Edition

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Welcome to Toxic Talk, where our resident hater tells you what sucks about soccer this week.

Chivas v Toronto FC: CONCACAF Champions League 2018 - Final - Leg 1 Photo by Graig Abel/Getty Images

Well, Toronto FC and their Louisiana Purchase-sized contingent of the USMNT player pool probably, definitely screwed the pooch against Chivas, losing 2-1 at home and needing a big win in Guadalajara to take the title. I really don’t have much to say about that, except for the fact that this is probably the best MLS team to make it to the CONCACAF Champions League final in a looong time, and Chivas is probably the worst Liga MX team to make it to the final in a looong time. Which sucks in a “league pride” kind of way, but maybe feels good in a “I still get to rag on Jozy and Bradley” kind of way. So in lieu of some deep diving analysis on these two teams, here’s a song instead.

Another turning point, a post stuck in the road

Get to the final, then go down on away goals

You beat America without extra time

Survived Tigres but now some goats made you cry

It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right

I hope you have the fight of your life

So take the photographs of trebles in your mind

Put them away because you jinxed yourself this time

Tattoos of Bradley and Jozy on trial

Tim Horton’s coffee was average all the while

It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right

I hope you have the time of your life

Now go to Guadalajara,

try to survive the flight

I hope you have the fight of your life

So anyway, here’s Wonderwall...

Boiling Points

  • The Italian Job -

Manchester City already have the Premier League locked up. Barcelona pretty much have La Liga wrapped up. Paris Saint Germain and Bayern Munich are collectively 42 points ahead of the second place teams in their respective leagues. But Italy? Italy is going off right now, thanks to Napoli’s late heroics against Juventus.

And Naples is accordingly getting drunker than your Aunt Karen at Olive Garden happy hour in Topeka, Kansas.

To be clear, Napoli hasn’t won the title yet. They’re not even in first place yet. But they’re one point behind Juventus with four games to play, and Juventus still have games against Roma and Inter Milan away, while Napoli have a much more forgiving schedule. For the first time in a long time, Juventus look like they might be on the ropes in Serie A.

  • Berisha: Australian for Bike -

Besart Berisha came through in a big way for the Melbourne Victory, sending his side ever closer to an A-League Grand Finals appearance.

(And yes, I do know that Besart Berisha is not Australian, but in fact Albanian, because I too have an Internet search engine and the good sense to use it when I don’t know something.)

  • RIP #WengerOut -

Now that Arsene Wenger will actually be out at Arsenal, I have so much less to look forward to on my biweekly jaunts to ArsenalFanTV.

  • Oh Hi -

Nice to see USWNTer Kealia Ohai back on the field after nearly a year away from the game. Now J.J. Watt just needs to get healthy and Houston’s favorite sports couple can get back to sporting.

  • Little People; Big Goals -

Here’s all 5’7” of Sebastian Blanco scoring a contested header against Sean Johnson and NYCFC.

Little people headers are moments to be treasured.

  • PUT SOME RESPECT ON HIS NAME -

Full disclosure: I love Olivier Giroud. And not just because he’s handsome, either. It’s because he goes weeks without doing anything useful and then suddenly he’ll go on month-long streaks of doing stuff like this.

  • With Style -

Andres Iniesta is said to be leaving Barcelona at the end of this season, reportedly jetting to China for a major payday and effectively sunsetting his career. But if this is the last we see of the Maestro, it can’t be said he didn’t leave us with a parting gift.