Some of the US Men’s National Team got together in Arizona for a non-FIFA window cashgrab friendly against Mexico brought to you by All-State that will ultimately be inconsequential for anything other than the balance sheets of US Soccer, El Tri, and Soccer United Marketing.

OR SO IT WOULD SEEM.

There could be a lot on the line here, when these two teams meet and represent THEIR COUNTRIES, all bets are off. So I expected it to go something like - Miazga red card (second yellow) in the 16th minute after scoring a goal and taking his shirt off to reveal “I’M THE AMERICAN MARQUINHOS” written on his undershirt and following a yellow for making fun of Julian Araujo for playing for Barcelona during the anthems, Landon Donovan un-retires and urinates on something but plays one half for the USA and one for El Tri in order to build bridges or something, at the half the USA is up 2-0 despite being down a player and everyone is yelling dos a cero, with the USA winning Mexico fires the coach and in the ultimate heel move even for him Alexi Lalas puts on a lucha libre mask and becomes Mexico’s new manager. He rallies the team and tells them to “do it for Emperor Maximilian I” and everyone is really confused by this but it works somehow so Mexico wins 5-4 and goes on to win the World Cup in 2026 by beating the USA who is managed by Erik Wynalda in the Round of 16 or whateverthehell FIFA decides to do with the format of the tournament. So yeah, friendlies are never meaningless.

None of that happened though.

The USA lined up in... well, my initial reaction to the XI that Hudson rolled out was... is this a 4-2-4, please tell me it’s a 4-2-4 (it was a 4-2-3-1 which is still exciting).

This is the lineup I wanted, it’s a 4-2-3-1 but in the attack Vazquez would play as another striker, Gressel would move into the wing and Dest would operate as an enganche:

For El Tri, the team set up in a 3-5-2 as their own decidedly non-FIFA window with mostly domestic based players took the field. I will say both teams missed out by not calling up Hector Herrera and Michael Bradley so they could have words in their nations’ shirts once again.

In the end, a bad give away by the USA led to a goal by Uriel Antuna in the 55th minute. The USA would fight back with Jesus Ferreira leveling the score in the 81st. The teams got together with little prep time before the match, so it wasn’t exactly a first-rate game from either side.

GIFS OF... ok, look it wasn’t wretched but it was barely passable as a game worth watching

The teams set off with the USA pushing forward and getting on the front foot early on. In the 5th minute, Mexico nearly scored an amazing auto-golazo but it went inches wide of the post.

Things settled a bit and Mexico began seeing more of the ball and in-fact dominated possession for stretches of the first 45. However, they couldn’t turn that into serious chances and their best opportunity came from a long range shot by Luis Chavez in the 19th minute.

Each team had their moments, but there wasn’t much from either side that looked as if it might create a breakthrough and the teams went into the half tied at nil-nil. In other words there were no fights and:

The second half opened with Jordan Morris getting dunked on by the Telemundo twitter account.

10 minutes into the half, the USA really, really, really, really messed up and a badly hit back pass from Kellyn Acosta escaped the reach of Aaron Long and turned into a perfectly played through ball for Uriel Antuna. He pretty much picked up the fumble and ran straight into the end zone.

Shortly after this debacle Aidan Morris came in for Brandon Vazquez and Alan Sonora replaced Cade Cowell in the 65th minute followed five minutes later by Matt Miazga coming in for Aaron Long.

Ten minutes before the end of regulation, Jesus Ferreira would even things up as the USA went post to coast on the counter.

Each team would push for an equalizer but neither would find the net. In the 90th minute Caleb Wiley and Paxton Pomykal would come in for Jordan Morris and Sergino Dest. Their entrance to the game would be short lived as after two minutes of injury time and one fight the match would end in a 1-1 draw.

There would be no penalties so there would be no victor of the inaugural All-State Continental Clasico.